Twenty-seven

I have received a couple of early Mother's Day presents. Both took me by surprise and mean so, so much to me.

My sisters surprised me with a beautiful garden stone with the twins' names and birthdays on it. I will take a picture of it once we spruce up their flower bed and I put it out there.

My best friend, Becky, sent me a wonderful card. It's perfect. Thank you so much, Bex.

 

Okay. Now onto the post that it appears some of you have been stalking my blog for. I wish this could be an ecstatic "Oh my God, I'm pregnant!" post, but it's not. Sorry.

Today is two weeks past my insemination. I took a test yesterday and today and both were negative. It's sad because I let myself get my hopes up this time. My chart ended up being gorgeous. It resembled my pregnancy chart and was even triphasic (I had a second temperature rise halfway through my luteal phase. This doesn't necessarily mean you're pregnant, but it's a good sign.). I even had this insane glimmer of hope a few days ago when I could have sworn I just "felt" pregnant. Not through symptoms or anything, but I just felt like I knew. Anyway, my period isn't here yet, so I guess I'm not out of the running. However, I spotted for a few hours yesterday and am having that general "my uterus is going to fall out" feeling that I had for four days before my period last month (cramping, backache, pains shooting down my legs). The thing that is irking me is the fact that my temperature is still hovering around 98.6 (this is high for non-pregnant me) and hasn't dropped yet, even though all signs point to my period coming today or tomorrow. I think my body is just toying with me again. Hubby really got his hopes up, too, and he's even been texting me, saying that maybe I'm just having early pregnancy spotting and cramping. He doesn't understand that I can tell the difference. I didn't spot during pregnancy until my second trimester, so I'm not sure about that one. He might be right. However, I did have cramping throughout my first trimester, and it definitely didn't feel like this. This is a constant, dull ache, whereas my cramps with the twins were sudden and intense. He wants (and needs) this so badly, and it breaks my heart to know that this isn't our month. At least we have been given three more chances...

It's just been an emotional week for me. I actually wrote a post a couple of nights ago because I had insomnia and was absolutely hysterical. Needless to say, I deleted it within a few minutes of posting it because I'm pretty sure I sounded like a mad woman. Things haven't been made any easier since talking to one of my sisters yesterday. Apparently, my dad's carotid artery in his neck is blocked right now (he had a triple bypass and a valve replacement a few years back. He obviously hasn't been following his dietary restrictions.). He couldn't get into the doctor for a doppler until the 17th. Judging from the results of that, the doctor will decide what type of procedure to do to clear it out. The thing that frustrates me is the fact that the doctor told my dad to take it easy. This kind of blockage easily leads to stroke. What does he do? Keeps going to work. Keeps being the crabby old man he is. I guess he's giving my siblings hell for being concerned about him and telling him what to do. He refuses to go to the doctor for testing earlier, even though he is feeling worse and worse each day. I know he has had a death wish since my mom died (he often says he wishes he wouldn't have gone through with his open-heart surgery so he could be dead now), but damn. I couldn't imagine being that stubborn to risk having a freaking stroke. Regardless, I'll be having dinner at his house tonight. Here's hoping my emotions don't boil over again. Lord knows what might come out of my mouth.

Anyway, I will keep you guys updated one way or the other. I'm not sure if I'm going to post again until after the weekend. I've decided that Sunday is going to be spent in isolation. My phone will be off and I'm going to try to stay away from e-mail and blogging. I just need the day to myself.