On a whim, I decided to take a test yesterday when I woke up. At first I thought I had line eyes, but then the line got darker. Because hubby doesn't believe it until he can read it, I confirmed it with a digital today. It's so sad because I didn't have the whole "jumping up and down and crying hysterically" reaction I had when I was pregnant last time. I simply said "holy shit" then walked in to tell hubby while looking like I saw a ghost. He immediately had a scared look on his face, too. We have definitely been robbed of our innocence.
I couldn't get in to get a beta test until Monday, but I will actually get the results the same day (last time I had to wait a whole day for my results). I am really hoping that everything is progressing as it should, but I know not to get my hopes up.
As for the spotting, it ended up only lasting a little over twelve hours. I guess it could have been implantation, but it still scares me. I didn't have any spotting with the twins until the week before we were in the hospital. The cramping is still around, but I know to expect that and am analyzing every little pain. The fact that I am still having random twinges around my right ovary makes me nervous. It would be my luck that this is ectopic and I'm going to lose the baby along with my one good tube. We'll see.
There is still a very long road ahead of us. We need to make it through the blood test. If that goes well, then we'll have our first ultrasound in a couple of weeks to make sure this is viable and not a multiple pregnancy, blighted ovum, ectopic pregnancy, or missed miscarriage. Then the ultrasound two weeks after that and the one at 12 weeks. Then the cerclage at 14 weeks. Then the weekly progesterone injections starting at 16 weeks. Then the wait for the 24 week mark when they would try to save this baby if my body does a repeat performance. After that, it's just a hope that this doesn't turn into a stillbirth or SIDS or some freak accident that kills this kid.
I have read so many tragic stories over the last six months. I know nothing is safe when it comes to being pregnant or giving birth. This baby can leave me at any minute and there's really nothing I can do about it. So to that, I will make sure to say this on a daily basis: Today I am pregnant, and I love my baby.
Deep breaths. Please stick around, little bean. We love, want, and need you so badly and hope to meet you in February and not any sooner.
2 comments:
Congratulations, Elyce and Paul. That's the news I've been waiting to hear!
I love you both (and the little bean too!). Praying hard!
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