Two

Well, I'm fairly certain that if my body didn't mess up, I would be having my c-section this week at some point (probably tomorrow). I should be preparing for a hospital stay and should be putting the finishing touches on the nursery, not sitting here with the urn next to me as a bawl my eyes out. Ugh.

Instead of delivering, I am having an insemination done. I should be welcoming two beautiful babies into the world this week, not trying to make their younger sibling. The real kicker is that I'm sure my pregnancy test date for this cycle will come on my due date. Ha. How's that for timing?

I just want my twins back. I am sick of crying and feeling like my heart is shattered into a million pieces. I am sick of no one understanding how I'm feeling. I expect that most people think I should be "fine" by now. Yeah. That's never going to happen. I am a broken woman who is desperately grasping for something that will probably never happen.

It's going to be a hard, hard week.